An Ida Update

I cannot relax or shut my brain off tonight so I thought I'd blog/journal instead.

There's been no major improvements with Ida. Tomorrow is the day for decisions. Wednesday marks two weeks of her being on the ventilator and that's apparently the max. The pneumonia is gone, which is good, but she still can't go more than a few minutes without the ventilator, which is not good. The doctors will tell the family tomorrow if they've found more cancer. It's still in her brain and spinal fluid and we think there has to be more in her lungs and that's what is keeping her from being able to breathe on her own. An oxygen mask cannot provide enough air for her to breathe comfortably. She may have the option to get a tracheotomy but we're not sure she'll be strong enough for that and the family is also unsure if it's the right thing for her anyway. I just don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don't know if she has more time or if she has the strength to continue to fight this battle here on earth.

We went up on Monday to visit her and I cried pretty much the entire 3 hours we were there. It was hard to see my lovely, vibrant, personality-plus friend in a hospital bed and unable to talk. She woke up several times while we were there, which was such a gift/blessing. She hadn't done much of that over the last week. She'd make eye contact at times and she would shake her head or shrug her shoulders when we'd ask her questions. Her sister Lily asked her if she could read her journal at one point and Ida shook her head "no" SO fast. It was pretty funny.

Just before we left, she looked at me and then at the ventilator tube and I could feel her say "I hate this, I hate this." I could feel her unhappiness so strongly and it just broke my heart. I held her hand until she fell asleep again and then we left.

I keep thinking how grateful I am for my knowledge that friendships are eternal. I'm grateful that situations like these bring families and friends closer together. There is nothing quite like a good friend and I'm blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life who look out for me and take care of me.