I wish...

I wish my makeup would miraculously remove itself every night

I wish I was one of those people who aired her grievances and solved all of her problems via social media (okay, only once in awhile...)

I wish my clothes would never get dirty, thus resulting in my never needing to do laundry

I wish I was in England right now just doing anything or nothing with my BFF

I wish I was one of those people who jumped right out of bed when the alarm went off

I wish it wasn't so painful walking into my evening relief society meeting alone, wondering who would sit with me

I wish I would put away my shoes at night instead of leaving them to pile up inside my front door

I wish the frosting on my mint brownies would set up so I could go to bed.

I wish the radio stations would stop playing "Christmas Shoes" once and for all

I wish I could write what I really wish for without sounding whiny and ungrateful

I wish everyone's Christmas wishes would come true

I wish...frosting's done. I'm going to bed!

Who am I?

I'm the girl who can never say no to bread.

I'm the one who cares entirely too much if people like me or not.

I'm the girl who can watch "Pride and Prejudice" lit'rally (say it just like that) every single night as I'm falling asleep.

I'm the dork who says "that was funny" whenever something is, you know, funny.

I'm the aunt who really loves her nieces and nephews.

I'm the girl who uses lipstick as lip balm (gets kind of expensive.)

I'm the one who adds a splash of Cherry Coke to her Diet Coke (thanks to my friend Anne for the awesome idea.)

I'm perfectly happy driving with the heat on full blast for miles.

I'm the person you can call to go with you for your patriarchal blessing (thank you SO much for asking me, Nikki!)

I'm the girl who still hopes desperately that her lifetime will contain some version of the ideal.

I'm that friend who would love to bake you your favorite treat for your birthday.

I'm the person who hates bananas with a passion.

I'm the queen of procrastination.

I'm the kind of person who can't just sit and watch television without doing at least one other thing.

I'm the girl who likes to schedule everything.

I'm the friend you can ask to go with you to Lowe's even though I find no joy in visiting home improvement stores.

I'm the one who knows everything will always get better. Always.

So who am I? I'm Jean Valjean.

Come on, there are at least three of you who thought that I would say that when you read my blog title! I was singing that song in my head and well, that's where this blog came from. So who are you, anyway? Tell me...I'd really love to know.

What I know for sure

I know that having hives is annoying and uncomfortable and I know I am ready to be done with them (what I don't know is where or how I got them.)

I know that I hate feeling as if my kindness and generosity are being taken for granted.

I know that Breaking Dawn Part 2 was way better than I expected it would be.

I know that I will never, ever, ever, ever settle for someone not worthy of me.  Like, ever.

I know that I can't wait to take my annual shopping trip with Michelley next weekend, even though it means I'll miss the Messiah sing along (sad.)

I know that Christmas music has the power to make me incredibly happy yet extremely melancholy all at the same time.

And yes, I know that Christmas Shoes is still the worst Christmas song ever.  (Like, ever.)

I know that getting your visiting teaching done is a whole lot easier when you have a partner (it only took them about six months of begging to give me someone awesome.)

I know that the power of the Priesthood is real and amazing.

I know that I want to go to bed because Benadryl knocks me out.  Every. Single. Time.

Post election malaise

My work day stunk to high heaven and at this very moment, everything I voted for is losing or not passing.  How's that for a great feeling?  Oh, it's not a great feeling.  At.  All. So you're probably dying to know what I'm grateful for, right?

1. I watched my first episode of Downton Abbey tonight so I'm grateful for a good British TV show to take my mind off of the depressing election news.  I loved it so much.  I'd be grateful for Hulu Plus if it would let me sign up for it so I could watch the rest of season one but no. The world is against me today, remember?

2. I'm grateful I get to sleep in tomorrow because I have an eye appt.  I won't be grateful tomorrow when they tell me how bad my eyes are and how I should get expensive transition lenses that I know I will hate so I will say no to them and instead keep wearing cheaters that I take off and put back on again making me feel even older than I already am.

3. I'm grateful for my faith.  I have great faith that we will be okay. We have a father in heaven who loves us, who cares about us and won't let us falter.  We need to keep moving forward with hope for our future.  We need to stay on the Lord's side.  Some may call it naivete but not me.  It's called faith and I've got it in spades, people.

Hmm...

I'm struggling to think of something meaningful or clever that I'm especially grateful for tonight so I will just say these three little items and call it good.

1. I'm thankful for a good haircut and color. It makes me wonder why I felt the need to let my hair get so long anyway. Haircuts rule.

2. I'm thankful to happen upon fun movies on random cable channels. It makes me happy to turn on the TV and watch PS I Love You (Hillary Swank wore the best coats and I really want to go to Ireland but only if I can meet Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and Dirty Dancing (I carried a watermelon?)

3. I'm thankful for my friends who have me over for dinner pretty much every Sunday. I love having a fun place to go after church. I love being around sweet families who love me as much as I love them. It's a win win all around.

Walk tall...

Today I'm grateful for the much needed reminder that I am loved and that I am a daughter of God.

I have felt pangs of loneliness many times over the past month but today was reminded how many wonderful friends I have. I was enveloped and surrounded by loving sisters in the chapel at Debbie's funeral today - women who have made and continue to make a difference in my life. I pray that I can remember that feeling the next time I'm sad about my little life.

I got asked at the last moment to lead the women's choir in singing "Walk Tall You're a Daughter of God" at the funeral. My friend Lynda has this ability to get you to do things you know you can't really do well but it is impossible to say no to her. (I also want to remember how she sent someone down from the stand to get my friends and me to move from where we were sitting on the side to a row in the center of the chapel so that she could look at us when she spoke. Of course we all moved. Lynda has great power and thankfully she only uses it for good.)

I told Lynda yesterday that I would lead the choir if needed but there were several others who also said they could lead. Well, I drew the short straw this morning and could not say no when asked, even though I am no choir director. As I stood in front of a group of 30 or so women whom I love and who dearly loved Debbie, I felt the spirit of the message of that song so strongly. God is my father. He knows me and loves me. I just need to reach out whenever I need Him and He will be there for me.

While I was fighting back tears and trying (and failing) to remember the fermatas we added at the last minute, I had the strong memory come to my mind of all of the times I stood in front of our Primary leading the music, when Debbie was one of the teachers. I remembered her sweet smile and beautiful loving spirit so vividly, it was like she was part of that choir today.

"Walk tall you're a daughter, a child of God.
Be strong - please remember who you are.
Try to understand, you're part of His great plan.
He's closer than you know - reach up, He'll take your hand."

It's Friday, Friday...

Today I'm thankful for the following...

1. Good, true friends who stick by me, who are always there for me and who love me no matter what.

2. Finally finding "my" perfect mascara.  Like the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe, I have long been obsessed with finding the best mascara and I think I've found it.  I had a brief flirtation with "They're Real" by benefit but quickly grew tired of the price, the fact that it dried up so quickly and that I had to drive to the mall to buy another tube.  Then Nat did a comparison of some mascaras and spoke highly of L'oreal's Voluminous False Fiber and I gave it a whirl. Guess what?  It totally rocks.

3. Memories of a wonderful, dear friend who passed away this week after a long fight with cancer.  Debbie Merrill went to camp with me many years and I admired her quiet strength and her incredible patience and kindness.  She's one of those people who you never heard speak harshly about anyone or raise her voice in anger - she was just good.  I have a lot of wonderful memories but one of my most favorite of all of my 11 years at YW camp involved Debbie.  Most of the girls were off doing the polar bear dip and a few of us leaders waited behind in the field.  For some reason, Debbie picked up the microphone and lip synced to James Brown's "I Feel Good."  It was SO out of character.  Debbie was very quiet and didn't need the spotlight - ever.  But those few moments where she let loose and danced and channeled James Brown are forever imprinted in my memory. It was the best.  She was a devoted wife to Dan and mother to Logan and Jana and I feel so blessed having known her these past 14+ years.


Lynda, Debbie, Tricia and Audrey



Let's get this here blog going again...

I don't know about you but I miss my blog. I miss capturing the little things in my life that I know I will forget as time goes on so I'm going to try again by doing a gratitude journal here leading up to Thanksgiving. I will not promise to write every day but I'm going to try. And if you can't get on my blog to comment using Google Chrome, I'm sorry because I can't either. I also changed my layout because it would never let me do a new post in the old one. And now my photos are too big but at least I can post, right? Okay, enough whining...here are some little things I'm thankful for.

1. I'm thankful for finally finding the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe.  This chocolate chip cookie recipe is truly the best I've ever made. I've been going to my friend Susan's house for dinner on Sundays and when I ask everyone what they want for dessert, it's always this recipe. I don't know if it's the dark brown sugar, the chilling the dough overnight, the mini chocolate chips or all of those things but truly, you must make this cookie. We make them with an ice cream scoop (bake 12-13 minutes or until it's golden around the edges) and serve warm with a glass of milk. Heaven.

2. I'm thankful for an affordable and awesome foundation.  I have been using L'oreal's BB cream for the last month or so and I adore it. Excellent lightweight coverage - seriously try it.  I use medium, in case you were wondering what shade you should get. Available at Target, Walgreens or wherever for like $8.

3. I'm grateful for "Red" the new Taylor Swift cd, album, whatever it's called.  It's really good even though I'm not really in her target demographic.  I can't stop listening to it even though I really want to switch to Christmas music full time...soon...soon...

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was much better this year for a lot of reasons.  We celebrated my mom on Saturday. Jen and her kids came up and we ran around getting a few last minute things, like a new BBQ for mom.  I love this self portrait of us.

My cute niece McKenzie helped me with the baking.  I cannot believe she is going to be 14 this fall!

After we ate, we played a little backyard "baseball" which was very fun.  Except I cannot hit.  At.  All.

Leah then came by and surprised me with flowers.  Love that girl.

Ben called a bit later and asked if I'd help him complete his Mother's Day shopping by driving him to the store.  He ditched me for a bit and got me these perfect earrings, a DC and my favorite gum.  So very sweet and thoughtful.

On Sunday, church was less than painful this year (thankfully.)  Then I went over to Mom's and we had dinner together. Cindy came over a bit later with these cute tulips and kisses. Love this girl.
 

Late birthday recap

My birthday was nearly two months ago but since I've been on a bit of a blogging vacation, it never made the blog.  So in an effort to move my last somewhat whiny post down a bit, I'm going to play a little catch up and blog about my wonderful 45th birthday.

I took the day off on the actual day and met Lynda and Greg for lunch at Spaghetti Factory.  They brought me Greg-selected gifts...a fun hair thing to wear at camp and an electric bug zapper.  I've mentioned before how much I adore this guy but seriously, I adore him. (Know any fantastic 20-something women looking for a great guy??? I'd love to get him married off!)

After lunch, I met Michelle for a movie to see The Avengers - loved it.  But during the movie, I started getting panicked texts from Susan so after the movie I called her to find out what was wrong.  Our friend Bret had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  Bret and I met at Boeing more than 20 years ago and then I became friends with his wife Tammy through our camp service a few years ago.  It was heartbreakingly sad and I plan on yelling at him for dying on my birthday when I see him again. (Kidding...mostly.)

Despite the sadness, my family and the Kings were gathering at Red Robin for my birthday dinner so I put on a happy face and carried on.  Here are my beautiful sisters, Jaylene and Jenilee.

Cindy and Rylee

But my day wasn't over yet!  After dinner, I went up to the church for dance festival practice where everyone serenaded me and we celebrated with Oreos, then, to the King's for gifts.

When I finally got home, I found this fun sight, courtesy of Leah and Paige.  They decorated my "porch" and more and I loved it.

They wrote on my (eww, dirty) kitchen window.

This was one of my favorite things - this sea of colorful post-its stayed up for a couple of weeks, in fact.  So fun!

I celebrated at work too, coming in to find all of these fun things waiting on my desk when I finally decided to roll on in.

One bag contained some of this yummy goodness.  Have you tried it yet?  Yum.

My boss (well, his wife, really) sent me this amazing bag.  It's the perfect tote for travel - simply beautiful.

I also got wonderful gifts in the mail from my far away friends like all of the Catron ladies.  I know what a pain it is to ship things so these gifts are especially meaningful.  My birthday went on and on this time - from a surprise Oreo delivery from Natalie to a belated birthday cake from my mom.  All of this love helped make this a truly wonderful birthday.

Needy

I've been feeling "off" all week.  I'm totally putting on a (mostly) happy face for the world around me but I've finally figured out that I'm feeling needy.

I kind of hate the word "needy."

When you're a most-of-the-time satisfied singleton like me, you are independent, you don't need anyone to do anything for you, you can take care of yourself, thank you very much, etc.

But this week...for whatever reason, I just...NEED.

I need someone to go to lunch with me like this cute girl did on Monday.

I need to not have to go alone to a spouses-included BBQ for the stake youth leaders I serve with (but I did and it was mostly fine.)

I need someone to bring me a Slurpee like this wonderful and so-in tune-it-scared-me-a-bit girl did on Thursday.

I need someone who will make an effort to talk to me first when I'm feeling awkward and dorky in a crowd.

I need someone to invite me to spend the 4th of July with their family, like these awesome people did.  And to top it all off, they didn't make me feel like a third wheel and the amazing husband told me I should plan on spending all holidays with them since he knew holidays are hard for me. (Yes I had to walk away when he said it so he wouldn't see me fighting back the tears.)

I need someone to call me or text me just because they are thinking of me and not because I called or texted first.

And if that makes me needy, well, so be it.

June...in photos

With only 10 minutes left in June, I'm scrambling to post at least once this month.  How incredibly sad is that?  Sigh.  So, here are a bunch of pics from fun times I had in June.  Two things I realized when loading these pictures?  One, I wear black entirely too much (although several of these pics are from the same day.)  Two, my life is pretty dang awesome.

Me and the kids...love love love.

Dani and Michelle

Lovely Lilly.

Another graduate...Paige.  So love this girl.

Oh just me and a hot dog. No big deal.

We're on a boat!

Someone was VERY excited to get a JB watch

Celebrating Jen's b-day.  I adore my family.

Me and my cute momma in her ginormous back yard

Rylee, Leah and best-photo-face-ever-Kenna

Just two girls, preparing to scatter a little sunshine

Eric, Abbie & Josh

Lisa popping in.  And Kim was here!!! Oh happy day...

Celebrating Kim's visit.  What was with the black?  Sheesh.

At the temple

Cody, Linsie & Paige at Linsie's last dance recital

Leah and Glenn - best Slurpee deliverers ever!

Riding a sea lion

Me and a statue on a super fun day

To tide you over

In the last month...

I said goodbye to my friends the Ekins who moved to Ohio. (boo hiss)

I went to lots of planning meetings and rehearsals for our youth dance festival.

I went to said dance festival (it totally rocked.)

I went to Idaho to help a girl I love pick out a wedding dress (yeah yeah, I cried.)

I saw Kristin Chenoweth in concert (a total dream come true.)

I learned how to play mahjong and even won one round (no not the matching tiles game on your computer.)

I turned 45 and celebrated (aka mourned) greatly the fact that I'm an old woman.

I ate at Old Spaghetti Factory three times.

I lost two people I loved in shocking and unexpected ways.

I nursed my aching back and spent entirely too much money on chiropractic co-pays.

I saw two movies: The Avengers and The Lucky One.

I caught a cold.

I laughed a lot.

I cried a lot.

I texted a lot.

I pondered my life a lot.

What I didn't do is sleep a lot.

What I also didn't do is blog.

At all.

More to come...it'll be good, Leah. I promise.

Mandy's Bridal Shower

I was the YW president in my ward almost nine years ago.  I can't believe it's been that long! During my three years as president, I had the great blessing of getting to know a darling girl named Mandy.

Mandy and Lisa

Mandy is just one of those girls that everyone seems to love.  She is always smiling, she's sweet and just so fun.  One of my favorite Mandy memories is when she was in high school and on the drill team.  I remember how the girls on the team were told to pick out a shirt to wear as part of their uniform one day.  Mandy was the only girl who wore a modest shirt on the entire team.  She stood out but in a wonderful way.  I love that she stood up for her beliefs and didn't care that she wouldn't look like the other girls.  Mandy has served a mission, is now a college graduate and she's engaged and SO happy.

I made treats for her recent bridal shower and it was so fun to get to hear her talk about her fiance and to see how in love she is.  I have a really cute pic of her with some of her fun gifts (ahem) but I'd better not put them on here just in case her fiance sees them before the wedding!

We had a fun day celebrating a beautiful inside-and-out girl.  I love seeing "my" girls grow up and move on to this next phase of their lives.

I'm including a few party shots for you, dear Kim...thought you'd like to see some of your friends again. :)

Marcia, Lisa, LaWana and Alberta

Louise, Miriam and Terri

Linda, Marcia and Sharee

Willy Wonka Kids

Two of my nephews were in their school play recently.  My nephew Matthew played the Candy Man (the guy who sings the song and sells the candy to the kids.)  

My other nephew Nathan was an Oompa Loompa (he's in the orange striped shirt.)

They did such a great job.  Matthew sang a solo, basically and he was SO good.  Yes I'm biased but seriously, he was fantastic.  I'm go grateful I got to see him on stage and I hope he decides to do more things like this because I think he's very talented.  

 For the millionth time, I'm SO glad these guys are a short 45 minutes away.

Sweet little Leah

Twice now, Leah has called me at work and then brought me a Slurpee.  I am SO spoiled!  Here she is with her cute friend Jamie making a delivery.

For the record, I used to prefer cola slurpees but I've since made the switch to blue raspberry. SO yummy.

We had Stake Conference this past weekend and when I was sitting in the Saturday night adult session, I got texts from Leah asking me where I was.  I of course told her.  I mean, she wouldn't do something to my car again, would she?

Um, I went to a different high school but okay... ;)

 Leah did some very lovely art work on my car while I was inside.

Thanks for the warning! My hands look great, don't they?

 She included my fun camp nickname.

Hi neighbor.

I love that Leah is always looking for opportunities to teach me new things.

I'm so grateful for Leah.  Knowing her and having her in my life makes my heart happy.

Leah also thoughtfully made my car a public service announcement.  Hopefully all of those people who are checking their phones while driving will make a stop at this awesome website.

She waited for me until conference was over and then I took her out as a thank you.  Where'd we go?  To get slurpees, of course.

I love you, Leah!