An Ida Update

I cannot relax or shut my brain off tonight so I thought I'd blog/journal instead.

There's been no major improvements with Ida. Tomorrow is the day for decisions. Wednesday marks two weeks of her being on the ventilator and that's apparently the max. The pneumonia is gone, which is good, but she still can't go more than a few minutes without the ventilator, which is not good. The doctors will tell the family tomorrow if they've found more cancer. It's still in her brain and spinal fluid and we think there has to be more in her lungs and that's what is keeping her from being able to breathe on her own. An oxygen mask cannot provide enough air for her to breathe comfortably. She may have the option to get a tracheotomy but we're not sure she'll be strong enough for that and the family is also unsure if it's the right thing for her anyway. I just don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don't know if she has more time or if she has the strength to continue to fight this battle here on earth.

We went up on Monday to visit her and I cried pretty much the entire 3 hours we were there. It was hard to see my lovely, vibrant, personality-plus friend in a hospital bed and unable to talk. She woke up several times while we were there, which was such a gift/blessing. She hadn't done much of that over the last week. She'd make eye contact at times and she would shake her head or shrug her shoulders when we'd ask her questions. Her sister Lily asked her if she could read her journal at one point and Ida shook her head "no" SO fast. It was pretty funny.

Just before we left, she looked at me and then at the ventilator tube and I could feel her say "I hate this, I hate this." I could feel her unhappiness so strongly and it just broke my heart. I held her hand until she fell asleep again and then we left.

I keep thinking how grateful I am for my knowledge that friendships are eternal. I'm grateful that situations like these bring families and friends closer together. There is nothing quite like a good friend and I'm blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life who look out for me and take care of me.

I hate cancer.

Our annual Christmas brunch, December 2008

I found out this morning that Ida, the beautiful girl in the red jacket above, is not expected to make it through the week.

I know as much as I know anything in this world that there's a plan, a plan that gives me peace and comfort in times like this. However, this knowledge still doesn't relieve my silly and selfish hope that she will miraculously recover from the stupid pneumonia that has kept her intubated in the hospital for the last few weeks. This knowledge doesn't keep my heart from breaking at the thought of my life without her in it. I ache for her sisters, her brothers, her fiance and her extended family.

This is so horribly unfair.

Prayers, please.

Ida at my 40th birthday party - isn't she so stinkin' cute?

I found out this weekend that my dear, sweet friend who had her second mastectomy last year now has cancer in both her brain and spinal fluid. She's 38. (Ida, I know you read this...are you really 38? I never can remember how old you are. I still think of you as 21.)

Her family is remarkably positive and so very strong. Several members of Ida's family have had to fight breast cancer so they handle news like this better than most. They expect and plan to do everything they can to help Ida to fight and win this battle. I know she will because she is strong, determined and well, she can do anything.

I know life isn't fair and I know we aren't given anything we can't handle. I know Heavenly Father loves us and will take care of us. I know He will continue to comfort and protect my sweet friend throughout her painful treatments.

But seriously? I loathe and despise cancer and I wish someone, anyone, would find a cure. And if you are someone who prays, please pray for Ida. Thanks.