I've basically cried my way through the last two Sundays. You'd think I'd be happier on Sundays because a. I don't have a "Sunday" calling so I get to visit and learn every week and I love that and b. church is now at 1 PM so that means I get one day a week to be lazy in the mornings (my idea of heaven.) But no, I go to church and I cry, cry, cry. I try to hide it but today I had to go outside and take the long way to my car because I didn't want everyone to see me all weepy. I've decided there are two main reasons why:
1. I'm feeling very empathetic lately. Whether it's the family who has been having major financial struggles or the father whose son was murdered or the mom whose only son is coming home from his mission, I'm a weepy mess when I hear them share their feelings or see them cry.
2. Church is the one of the few places where I am smacked in the face with what I don't have. If you know me at all, I try hard to stay happy and positive and grateful but lately whenever I'm at church, I just feel sad. I know it's silly and selfish and I need to knock it off (and I will) but ugh. Looking around at all of the couples and families just makes me ache. Every talk, every lesson, every announcement (i.e. come to ward temple night - it's a great date night!) is a reminder of what is missing from my life. I know I'll snap out of this and I know these feelings are temporary (it's the dreaded January funk, people.) And I know I'll be okay. Again.
Today during the Sacrament I read and reread part of a talk by Elder Holland, "This do in remembrance of me." If you need some help focusing on the Savior during the Sacrament, start reading at the paragraph that begins "If remembering is the principal task before us, what might come to our memory when those plain and precious emblems are offered to us?" I highly recommend printing that section of this talk and tucking it into your scriptures. One of my favorite teachers shared this years ago and I read it nearly every Sunday - it's a big help when your mind is wandering or you're feeling sorry for youself this January like someone else I know. Hmmm...who on earth could that be???
12 comments:
Much love to you, Jeanelle. Church can truly be the hardest place when your heart is aching.
You are wonderful and do so much good in the world. I know you know that. But it's also OK to be sad.
love you, m
Elder Holland is one of the most tender speakers and has always touched my heart. Thanks for sharing this talk. It is a great one.
It helped remind me that we all have our own roller coasters of learning and pains in our life. It is good to be reminded that when we are on more of an up, others are not and they need us and we are to be doing what Christ would have done if he were still on this earth today.
You are always a bright, encouraging face to see on Sundays! It is okay to take a turn and be sad. We love you. Thank you for being you and being a wonderful example of LOVE and FAITH!
I thought I saw tears, but you were so positive, you fooled me. Great idea of that talk to read during sacrament. You are wonderful and I love you!
I'm printing out the article right now. The Spirit was really strong in our ward Sunday! I'm sorry for this part of your life that you haven't been able to make choices. I sure love you and am grateful for your example and your love. Rats! The talk just printed out on hot pink paper! That might be a little distracting!
Jeanelle, I am sorry you have been having a hard time! You are in my prayers.
I also love that talk. I have part of it (I think the part you are talking about)shrunk down in my scriptures too.
Thanks for the tip on the talk. I'm going to read that right now.
I have those periods where I start crying for everyone on earth. I hate it, especially when people see me.
Like everyone else said, it's ok to be sad, and it's always worse for me in January and November. There are things I fixate on, too, and can't snap out of for a while. Chocolate is a mixed blessing during those times. :)
Love you and miss you!
I agree! Church is such a hard place if things are tough! I totally burst into tears a little while ago. . .It is hard. .You are loved though. I wish we lived closer!
I am thinking of you Jeanelle. I too many times feel sad and realized (just recently) that we all have our own struggles in life, but we are there to HELP one another... I don't know why it took me so long! I am grateful for your loving heart and smiles, and amazing spirit that comforts and lights so many!
Oh my beautiful sweet dear friend. You have no idea that I think of you often and wish the same wishes for you. You are so amazing and I want you to have the desires of your heart. I know some of the pain you feel because I've felt it before too and it stings. It's hard to get rid of that sting. I love you so much and I know that you are so loved and the blessings that don't come to you now will come 100 fold later. I know that doesn't make anything easier RIGHT NOW, but you have such faith and hope. You are a daughter of God and He loves you so much. It's okay to cry. Let it out. Go listen to Hilary Weeks song, Just let me Cry. I LOVE YOU GIRL!!!!
I know all about hurting inside and trying to hide it from the world. I am so sorry you are hurting, my friend. I admire you so much. You are valiant soul and have a great work to do. Keep your chin up and cry when you want to. Hugs!
Thanks for being such a wonderful person... and for loving my girls so much! Apparently games are more fun when you are around because all my girls want is for you to come back for a lazy day... and Mario-cart of course! We love you so much and I am so thankful for your friendship. Please know that there have been many times in the past few months when you have texted me and said something that cheered me up just when I needed it most! Lets have another girls night soon! XOXO
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