Happy birthday, dear Cindy

Singling out one special young woman is a risky endeavor for me because others could be sad that I haven't done the same for them.  But I hope each girl who is part of my life knows for a certainty that they matter to me, that they hold a gigantic place in my heart, and that, truly, they ARE my heart whether I've blogged about them yet or not.

Today, November 21, is the 19th birthday of a girl I first met back in February of 2010 through my calling as assistant stake YW camp director.  She wasn't in my ward but I knew of her and I knew her older sister.  I called her "Cynthia" for the first little while because that was the name on my list and I was too busy to ask her what she preferred to be called.  I soon realized that while Cynthia is her given name, she is totally a Cindy.

Cindy didn't understand anything I told her about camp at first. I think it was because the lingo of camp, the schedule of camp, and everything ABOUT camp can seem almost like a foreign language to a newcomer.  As a newly baptized member from a recently re-activated family, she’d never been to YW camp before and now she was expected to serve as a Youth Camp Leader, teaching the young women who were younger than her all about the way we camp in our fabulous stake.

I remember exchanging phone numbers with her after seeing her face go blank while we were training and instructing the girls in all that they would be doing that summer.  I remember telling her to call me, anytime at all, with her questions and I’d give her a YW Camp 101 training session.  She finally did call me one night, at about 11:30 PM and we talked for quite awhile.  I remember trying hard to not talk too fast because when I’m excited or passionate about something, I talk fast.  But I wanted her to love camp as much as I did.  I wanted her to be excited about this amazing adventure she was about to go on.  I wanted her to be as awesome as I could see that she had the potential of being.

We got to camp and she was just that – awesome.  Like the other girls in what turned out to be my last year as assistant camp director, she was positive, happy to serve, fun, spiritual, kind, loving and patient.  (I still can’t believe I had an entire group of girls exactly like her during my last year of service in that capacity – what a way to go out!)

We had a special program one night at camp and I went around hugging each girl, one by one.  I told each girl how much I loved her and meant it with all that I had.  When I got to Cindy, I told her I loved her and thanked her for coming to camp and then she said something to me that my still single and childless self will never ever forget.  She whispered in my ear, “will you be my mom?”  

You see, Cindy’s mom left their family about a year and a half prior to our meeting. I knew this before meeting Cindy but that question was still so unexpected.  “Will you be my mom?”  I told her, yes, of course and that I would always be there for her, whenever she needed me, however she needed me.

After camp, we saw each other occasionally in the halls at church and at mutual activities.  We always hugged each other tightly, laughed, talked, and caught up on our lives.  Of course, we texted now and again whenever we happened to think of each other and then things changed a little when we started getting ready for our pioneer trek this past summer.  Cindy and I started walking together to prepare and I think that’s where we really started to bond.  We shared secrets, hopes, dreams and of course, lots of laughs on those walks.  We realized right away that we had a connection between us that was different than one we had with anyone else. We introduced each other to our families and I bonded quickly with hers and she just as quickly with mine.

On trek, she would frequently find her way to me, stopping for a hug or to tell me something she’d experienced.  I loved that she sought me out but I loved more watching her grow from the trek experience itself.  She took her role as big sister very seriously and worked so hard to be a good leader and family member.  Once trek was over, we started spending even more time together – movies, shopping, dinners, road trips and on and on.  We never seemed to run out of things to talk or laugh about.

Cindy is fun and smart and hilarious and talented and loving.  She is a spiritual giant who teaches me so much and makes me want to be better.  No, she is not perfect.  At times she challenges the people who love her the most but she is also the most loveable girl you will ever meet. My mom has taken to her almost as much as I have.  They sat next to each other when they came to watch me in our recent youth musical program and Cindy told me later that night “your mom held my hand the whole time.”  It was all I could do to not cry when she told me that. I love that my mom loves my girl almost as much as I do.

I don’t know that I feel like Cindy’s mother or that she feels like she’s my daughter.  The term "best friend" doesn't really cover our relationship either. I just know that long ago, before we came to this earth, she and I decided that we needed to be in each other’s life at this time.  We needed someone who would love us unconditionally.  We needed someone who knew exactly what we were thinking pretty much all the time. We needed someone to support and lift and guide us.  We needed someone to just be there when we needed a friend.  We needed someone who would fill a void that each of us had in our lives – a void that we both thought we were doing a pretty good job of managing but one that was in desperate need of filling.   

I sent her a text recently where I said “every time I think it’s not possible to love you more than I do, I talk to you or see you and then I just love you more.”  She responded, “I know.  Every time we laugh, I’m like ‘how did I ever have fun before?’” That’s really how it feels for me.  I can hardly remember what life was like before I knew her and I certainly cannot fathom my life without her in it.

Happy 19^th birthday to my darling Cindy Bob.  FYI, you seriously fill my heart with joy every single day.  Thank you for being such a light and a blessing in my life.  I love your guts!