Whiny yet grateful

I counted up the hours I will have spent this week on church calling related meetings and activities and wondered if you'd like to hear the number?  

Prepare yourself. 

22 hours.  

This includes meetings, a New Beginnings, Ward Conferences, a YCL retreat/party, preparing messages for three of those events (I'm giving four different talks/messages this month - it was going to be five but I offloaded one, thankfully.)  This number doesn't include the number of emails, phone calls and texts that were related to my calling (hundreds of email - I am not exaggerating.)  

I'm not complaining.  I really wouldn't have it any other way.  I would be really sad to not be serving the youth of my stake but it's just a little crazy right now.  I am feeling incredibly blessed and inspired as I prepare my talks.  I'm healthy.  I'm getting some sleep (I think I got 10 hours last night - first time in forEVER.) So for the most part, things are okay.

However, I've had a couple of stressful things happen this month - heartbreaking things that have shook me to my core, pretty much.  I've cried a lot.  I've worried a lot.  I've prayed a lot.  I've questioned myself and my decisions.  I've felt completely and utterly alone, at times.

But I really think the reason I haven't curled up into the fetal position and taken to my bed is because of three things...my job, my friends and my calling.  I have been able to go to work each day and concentrate on other things for several hours which has helped a ton.  I have some solid-as-a-rock friends who are there for me consistently and completely.  Friends who invite me to dinner and email me and call me and listen to me whine about my sadness and confusion.  Then I have a calling that brings me such joy, I find it hard to express just exactly how much.

I guess I just want to blog today about gratitude.  Even though another year has begun with me still wanting, I'm grateful that overall, I'm happy and fulfilled.  I'm grateful for my faith and my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I have a good life, a fun life and a life that is filled with love and happiness.  Really, what more could a girl ask for?

Okay a girl could ask for a couple of pictures in a blog once in awhile...here are some random happy things from the holidays:

The Robinson's gave me a Kindle Paperwhite - I wept.

Me and my seester in Mom's pantry

The J's: Jana, Jaylene & Jenilee

My adorable soon to be a missionary in Ecuador niece Dolly

me and the Allen girls

Roberto as a horse

My  mom and Soph

Matt the photo bomb at Natalie's baptism