I'm thankful for...

Because I'm waiting for a cheesecake to cool enough to put it in the refrigerator and because I have too much on my mind to sleep tonight anyway, I thought, hey, why not blog?  So without further ado, here is a list of things I'm thankful for (but no pictures because I'm lazy...don't hate.)  I'll get the meaningful/serious stuff out first...keep reading for the lighter stuff.

I'm thankful for my life.  It's not perfect.  It's not easy.  It's not always rosy.  But it's a good life and I like it most of the time.

I'm thankful for my family.  We're not perfect but when it comes right down to it, we really love each other.  I know it and they know it. There is a peace and contentment that comes from that knowledge that cannot be matched.

I'm thankful for so many people I can't even begin to name them all.  But basically, if you read this blog, you're probably on this list.  If you text/call/email me, you're on this list.  If you call me Jeanellie or Sister Shaw or Sh-Shaw or Shimmy-Shimmy-Shaw, you're on this list.  If you smile at me, make me laugh, hug me or tell me you love me, you're most definitely on this list - and quite possibly near the very top.

I'm thankful for my testimony.  I'm thankful to know that my nature is divine.  I'm thankful to know that we have a living prophet on the earth today.  I'm thankful for Joseph Smith.  I'm thankful for my older brother (and yours) Jesus Christ. I'm especially thankful for prayer.

I'm thankful for work -- both in the church and in the world.  I have been blessed with the greatest calling and I've been blessed with a wonderful job, working with (mostly) wonderful people.

And on a slightly lighter note...in no particular order

I'm thankful for my iPhone, the color red, crushed ice, my ability to bake, cute pajamas, and that I'm a girl and not a boy.  I'm thankful for makeup and hair dryers and pretty purses.  I'm thankful for music - especially the new Michael Buble Christmas CD and pretty much any show tune. I'm thankful I weigh less this November than I did last November. I'm thankful for Eclipse gum and bagel thins with peanut butter.  I'm thankful for the movie "Pride and Prejudice."  I'm thankful for sheets and pillows and blankets and memory foam mattress toppers.  I'm thankful for those dark chocolate acai berries at Costco.  I'm thankful for fun watches and cute earrings. I'm thankful for inside jokes.  I'm thankful for babies and cute little kids. I'm thankful for hope.

There's the timer!  I can put my cheesecake in the fridge now - yay!  Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night!

Happy birthday, dear Cindy

Singling out one special young woman is a risky endeavor for me because others could be sad that I haven't done the same for them.  But I hope each girl who is part of my life knows for a certainty that they matter to me, that they hold a gigantic place in my heart, and that, truly, they ARE my heart whether I've blogged about them yet or not.

Today, November 21, is the 19th birthday of a girl I first met back in February of 2010 through my calling as assistant stake YW camp director.  She wasn't in my ward but I knew of her and I knew her older sister.  I called her "Cynthia" for the first little while because that was the name on my list and I was too busy to ask her what she preferred to be called.  I soon realized that while Cynthia is her given name, she is totally a Cindy.

Cindy didn't understand anything I told her about camp at first. I think it was because the lingo of camp, the schedule of camp, and everything ABOUT camp can seem almost like a foreign language to a newcomer.  As a newly baptized member from a recently re-activated family, she’d never been to YW camp before and now she was expected to serve as a Youth Camp Leader, teaching the young women who were younger than her all about the way we camp in our fabulous stake.

I remember exchanging phone numbers with her after seeing her face go blank while we were training and instructing the girls in all that they would be doing that summer.  I remember telling her to call me, anytime at all, with her questions and I’d give her a YW Camp 101 training session.  She finally did call me one night, at about 11:30 PM and we talked for quite awhile.  I remember trying hard to not talk too fast because when I’m excited or passionate about something, I talk fast.  But I wanted her to love camp as much as I did.  I wanted her to be excited about this amazing adventure she was about to go on.  I wanted her to be as awesome as I could see that she had the potential of being.

We got to camp and she was just that – awesome.  Like the other girls in what turned out to be my last year as assistant camp director, she was positive, happy to serve, fun, spiritual, kind, loving and patient.  (I still can’t believe I had an entire group of girls exactly like her during my last year of service in that capacity – what a way to go out!)

We had a special program one night at camp and I went around hugging each girl, one by one.  I told each girl how much I loved her and meant it with all that I had.  When I got to Cindy, I told her I loved her and thanked her for coming to camp and then she said something to me that my still single and childless self will never ever forget.  She whispered in my ear, “will you be my mom?”  

You see, Cindy’s mom left their family about a year and a half prior to our meeting. I knew this before meeting Cindy but that question was still so unexpected.  “Will you be my mom?”  I told her, yes, of course and that I would always be there for her, whenever she needed me, however she needed me.

After camp, we saw each other occasionally in the halls at church and at mutual activities.  We always hugged each other tightly, laughed, talked, and caught up on our lives.  Of course, we texted now and again whenever we happened to think of each other and then things changed a little when we started getting ready for our pioneer trek this past summer.  Cindy and I started walking together to prepare and I think that’s where we really started to bond.  We shared secrets, hopes, dreams and of course, lots of laughs on those walks.  We realized right away that we had a connection between us that was different than one we had with anyone else. We introduced each other to our families and I bonded quickly with hers and she just as quickly with mine.

On trek, she would frequently find her way to me, stopping for a hug or to tell me something she’d experienced.  I loved that she sought me out but I loved more watching her grow from the trek experience itself.  She took her role as big sister very seriously and worked so hard to be a good leader and family member.  Once trek was over, we started spending even more time together – movies, shopping, dinners, road trips and on and on.  We never seemed to run out of things to talk or laugh about.

Cindy is fun and smart and hilarious and talented and loving.  She is a spiritual giant who teaches me so much and makes me want to be better.  No, she is not perfect.  At times she challenges the people who love her the most but she is also the most loveable girl you will ever meet. My mom has taken to her almost as much as I have.  They sat next to each other when they came to watch me in our recent youth musical program and Cindy told me later that night “your mom held my hand the whole time.”  It was all I could do to not cry when she told me that. I love that my mom loves my girl almost as much as I do.

I don’t know that I feel like Cindy’s mother or that she feels like she’s my daughter.  The term "best friend" doesn't really cover our relationship either. I just know that long ago, before we came to this earth, she and I decided that we needed to be in each other’s life at this time.  We needed someone who would love us unconditionally.  We needed someone who knew exactly what we were thinking pretty much all the time. We needed someone to support and lift and guide us.  We needed someone to just be there when we needed a friend.  We needed someone who would fill a void that each of us had in our lives – a void that we both thought we were doing a pretty good job of managing but one that was in desperate need of filling.   

I sent her a text recently where I said “every time I think it’s not possible to love you more than I do, I talk to you or see you and then I just love you more.”  She responded, “I know.  Every time we laugh, I’m like ‘how did I ever have fun before?’” That’s really how it feels for me.  I can hardly remember what life was like before I knew her and I certainly cannot fathom my life without her in it.

Happy 19^th birthday to my darling Cindy Bob.  FYI, you seriously fill my heart with joy every single day.  Thank you for being such a light and a blessing in my life.  I love your guts!

Most Excellent

Tonight I had the great pleasure to attend a Young Women in Excellence night for one of the wards in my stake.  It came at the end of an especially trying day at work which was followed by an afternoon of dance festival meetings at two opposite ends of town, a 15 minute stop with Meesa for a quick dinner and then a drive through rain and traffic to yet another opposite (lol) end of town.  So basically, my day was kind of, well, it was pretty much a stinky day.

I arrived at the church and walked into the room where the special event was to be held and was immediately greeted by a chorus of "Sister Shaw! Sister Shaw" from the girls.  (Seriously, how great is it to be me?  Trust me.  It's really great.)  The program began and after the opening prayer, we stood and said the Young Women theme.  The Holy Ghost bore witness to me so powerfully that the things we were saying were true.

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us and we love Him.

We will stand as witnesses of God 

at all times, and in all things, and in all places

as we strive to live the Young Women Values, which are:

Faith

Divine Nature

Individual Worth

Knowledge

Choice and Accountability

Good Works

Integrity and

Virtue

We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values,

we will be prepared to strengthen home and family

make and keep sacred covenants,

receive the ordinances of the temple,

and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

Three of the young women then took turns talking about important activities they had participated in this year:  Young Women Camp, Pioneer Trek and various service projects.  At some point, I leaned over to Meg who is in the stake YW presidency with me and said, "we have the best callings!" and she agreed.

The girls then sang "My Grateful Spirit Sings" which was one of the songs we sang in our recent youth musical.  I could no longer hold back the tears as I looked at each one of their beautiful faces and thought "I love each one of these girls."  I'd had a feeling like that once before, many years ago, when I was a newly called ward YW counselor, wondering if I'd ever be able to love all of the girls in my stewardship.  I'm grateful that even though my group of young women is much larger now, I have been blessed by my Heavenly Father with the capacity to love each one of them completely and unconditionally.

The young women each then took a turn describing a personal progress value project they had completed or were still working on.  Three or four of them mentioned our recent musical and what an impact it had on their lives.  I love that our stake programs, while sometimes challenging and often time consuming, provide faith-promoting and testimony building experiences for our youth.  The church is so great!

I'm so grateful for the blessings I receive because of my church service.  I'm thankful every day that I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I know that I'm a daughter of God and that He loves me.  I know that Jesus Christ is my brother and that He died for my sins.  I know the Bible and the Book of Mormon are the word of God.  I know that we have a living prophet on the earth today and he is Thomas S. Monson.

Sweet is the peace the gospel brings...every minute of every day.

Tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I want to have normal sleeping habits.

I want to blog about my Disneyland trip.

I want to blog more, period.

I want to be able to wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched and have my house clean and laundry done.  And let's be honest, I'd be pretty cute wiggling my nose like that.

I want to start listening to Christmas music, and yet I don't.

I want to get to work on time.

I want to be a better daughter, sister and friend.

I want to use the phrase "waxing and waning" in a sentence and not sound like a dork whilst doing it.

I want to also say "veritable cornucopia" more often.

I want to know why chargers will no longer fit into my iPhone properly.

I want to know if I should baby my breaking phone along until the new version comes out in 2012 or if I should just suck it up and get the dang 4S.

I want to see Kim while she's so close and yet so far away in Utah and not in dang London.

I want to not freak out about all that's required of me in my life.

I want to be able to read a complete book in less than three months.

I want answers to the questions I'm obsessing over.

I want to upload this year's camp videos to Facebook and to have it actually work on my first try doing so.

I want to fly across the country so I can see Callie and hold baby Maggie.

Brazenly lifted off Facebook

I want to be able to look at this photo of them and not weep.  (My Callie is a momma!)

Oh, Idaho! (Part 2)

One of my favorite things about my weekend in Idaho was visiting the Rexburg temple.  The girls and I went first on Friday and took a couple of pictures (and soon after that was when I accidentally erased my SD card.)

This really is my new favorite temple. So beautiful.

Gorgeous girls

Late Friday night, I was emailing with Kim and I told her I was planning to go to the temple Saturday morning to do an endowment session and she asked if I was going with my favorite guy Greg.  The crazy thing is I hadn't even thought about asking him.  I'm so used to just doing everything alone, you know?  But I texted him at like midnight and he said he'd love to go (to the 9 AM session, in fact and we texted until 1 AM! Don't you love college life???)  Thank you, Kim, for the suggestion!  Greg's cousin Stephen plus their roommate Juan came with us.  It was such a treat to be in the temple with them.  I've known Greg since he was around 12 years old and I have loved watching him grow up.  He's just amazing and awesome.

Stephen, me and Greg.  

After the temple, I picked up the girls and we went to Bear World!  

The girls learned on this trip that I'm sort of obsessed with wildlife so getting to drive through a little park and see bears, elk, mountain goats and even a moose is really my idea of a good time. I won't bore you with a bunch of animal pictures but will include this one because this was quite possibly the coolest, most Zen bear you will ever see in your whole entire lives. 

Seriously.  Can you believe that guy?  He was so awesome.  Next we went into the gift shop and petting zoo and took all sort of fun pictures (all the while, talking in our Southern accents, remember.)

 

Nikki & Emily.  Seriously - how can you look at this picture and not laugh?

 

Sarah looks like she was trying to scare Cindy and succeeded!

After Bear World, we went back to campus and got Kristina.  We may or may not have driven around town with Sarah in the back of the car.

We got some Creamery chocolate milk and then went back to the temple and took a bunch of pictures. It was super windy (love that about Rexburg...um...not) but I got this beautiful shot of the girls.

I still can't believe how blessed I am to have these girls in my life (as well as the others who weren't with us that weekend...you know who you are!)  They truly fill my heart with joy and make me forget that I'm kind of old.

 

After the temple, we went to dinner with Greg and Stephen at Pizza Pie Cafe again.  

Love him.

Stephen makes the best faces.

After dinner, we took Kristina home and then went back to Sarah & Emily's apartment.  We hugged good bye and I of course, started to cry.  I'm such a baby. (Thanksgiving will be here before we know it!)

Sunday morning, Nikki, Cindy and I went to church with my friends, the Brownings.  

Sherry's husband was my bishop while I was YW president and it was so fun to get to see their new home and to see how much their kids have grown in the two years since they moved away.  I love their youngest son, Ryan.  He was one of my favorites when I was in Primary.

After church, the girls changed into road trip clothes (please note Cindy's shoes.)

Then we were off.  It was such a long drive but the girls were good and stayed awake for most of it.  Nikki had her laptop so we watched (I listened of course - I WAS driving after all) Despicable Me and 17 Miracles.  When we got close to Spokane, I texted my friends Richard and Sue to see if they wanted to feed us and let us use their bathroom and of course they did.  

Sue was out of town but Richard (who used to be my home teacher) put out a spread that she would have been proud of -- sandwiches, salads, juice, and all sorts of healthy food.  It was just what we needed to make the last five hours fly by even though it made me wish, again, that Richard and Sue hadn't moved so far away (notice a trend...my friends are all moving away from me.)

All in all, a fantastic trip filled with fun and laughter...so much laughter.  I want to try and remember some of the funny things we said like "I've got to pew" but it's after midnight and I'm brain dead.  Loved the trip, the time with the girls, our fun memories, eating at Costa Vida, and on and on.  I'll be ready to go back when the snow melts, girls.  Let's plan another trip now!

Oh, Idaho! (Part 1)

I took a quick, four-day road trip to Idaho last month and had the most fun ever.  Cindy, Nikki and I decided to go to Rexburg and visit our girls who were going to school there.  As you know, I love a road trip. It was a lot longer/slightly painful trip on the way home but overall, so much fun. Nikki wrote a very fun recap here. 

Before we left, I said a prayer with the girls that "we" would stay awake while we were driving (we meaning me) but my prayer worked great because both girls stayed awake the entire 12+ hour drive over.  Um, imagine how happy the best car sleeper ever (aka Cindy) was about my prayer???  But hey, at least I had people to talk to, right?

We stopped in Spokane at Hobby Lobby to get crafty stuff (friendship bracelets and knitting.) 

I also got this super cute picture of the girls wearing the latest in fancy apron fashion.

We listened to parts of a couple of audio books (Hunger Games and the Help) but didn't finish either of them.  Apparently, I need to read Hunger Games...but let's just say I couldn't get into the audio version.  We also tried to spot wildlife (I saw bears - yes really, deer, elk, antelope, birds of prey.)  Oh and we took pictures of every letter on a mountain we saw. We don't do the letters on mountains thing here for some reason.

And here is my windshield like one hour after cleaning it.  Sick.

We got to Rexburg late Thursday night and went immediately to Emily & Sarah's apartment to hug them and drop off Nikki.  Cindy and I then drove to Rigby to stay with my friends, the Brownings.  They fed us and we went to bed.

Friday morning, we got up and drove back to Rexburg to get the girls.  We went to lunch at Pizza Pie Cafe...so yummy.  Our waiter needs to improve his picture taking skillz as the only group shots we got were blurry.

I went to Ricks College when I was the girls' age so I made them go with me to see my old dorm.  They now have names instead of numbers but here's me, so excited, in front of what was formerly known as Dorm 2 Apt 62.  Memories...

And reenacting that fateful night when we climbed the wall because we came back after curfew (and subsequently got caught.)

We then ran into our darling Carolina coming back from class and got these awesome shots in the parking lot outside her apartment.  LOVE THESE!

Carolina, Emily, Nikki & Sarah looking fierce

Cindy would only join in for the non-model shot ;).  I love this photo and these girls SO much!

These girls know how to work the camera.

These darling girls love very few things more than they love a drive so that's what we did.  We drove out to Sugar City (my favorite name for a town EVER!)

We also started talking in Southern accents during this trip and whenever we saw cute boys or hay we would say "haaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy" in our very best drawls.  We pretty much talked like that the entire weekend and I still catch myself talking like that from time to time (try it - it's fun.)

Idaho is so beautiful - it poured rain the entire morning and then turned out so nice the rest of the trip.

Sarah had some fun with the camera and got this awesome FB profile shot.

The other girls decided to follow suit:

I'm a little delayed in my trip report because after two days of fun, I accidentally deleted everything off my SD card.  Were you aware that there are ways to get everything back when you do that?  Well, I wasn't.  I was so sad but the girls and I decided we would squeeze in another drive on Saturday and try to recreate a bunch of the photos that were lost.  Once I got home, however, my friend Paul was able to recover my lost photos!  So if you're wondering why we're in two different outfits on seemingly the same day...that's why.

We drove out to the Teton Dam site and stopped on the way at this weird R2D2 thing on a potato farm.  I mean, what is that thing anyway?  The next day it was humming and sort of scary...we didn't stand as close that day.

Then we got this awesome jumping shot at the dam site.

Sarah and me communing with the potatoes.

Okay, this trip report is getting entirely too long and I'm still only on day 2.  Can you tell by all of the fun pics what a fabulous trip this was?? Come back tomorrow for the stunningly beautiful Rexburg temple, BEAR WORLD, and the drive home, ya'll!

Where's the dream for me?

Have I told you I'm going to Disneyland?  For the first time ever?  Yep.  I'm going.  Today.  In about four hours, in fact.  I'm beyond excited.  I was still awake at 2:30 AM (yes I'm a child) and then awake at 7:30, ready to go.  I'm going with two dear friends I met at work 23 years ago, Michelle and DeAnne.  I can't wait to walk into the park for the very first time, to see our fancy hotel, to have breakfast with some princesses and more and more.

While I was packing/cleaning, I found a notebook with notes from past Sunday talks, general conferences, etc. I found the notes from a talk Sister Julie Beck gave when she visited my area in January 2009.  I blogged about it here.  

I don't want to rehash everything I already blogged about but as I paged through my notebook, the following things popped out at me:

The Lord did not promise us "the dream" in this life. He promised us an experience and some are harder than others.  It's okay to still want "the dream" but if you don't have it, acknowledge the hurt and go on.

This world does not believe in families.

Magnify the gifts we have instead of wishing what we don't have.

Write down miracles that happen.

Try to get back that feeling we had when we were three years old and we were the most important, beautiful and "all that" girl in the world whenever we walked into a room.

Don't underestimate my power to receive personal revelation.

Where's "the dream" for me? How do you get "the dream?"  Have an experience.  Sometimes they're pleasant...sometimes they're not.  

I needed to find that notebook today.  I needed to be reminded of the things I mentioned above. I love how Heavenly Father works.  He knows.  He always knows.  

I really do love my life.  Despite the glaring omissions, it's pretty dang good to be me.  

And, hello!  I'm going to Disneyland!