You are where you belong.

I struggle in my calling.

There, I said it. 

I have yet to feel completely comfortable as my stake's secretary to the young women presidency, even though I've been in this position for six months.  There are a lot of reasons why but mainly I often wonder why I'm serving where I am. 

I am a highly skilled invitation maker, paper cutter user, email sender, minutes taker, and thank you card sender.  And let's be honest, I do a lot of those same type of things as my actual paying job. 

But I frequently wonder why I'm in this calling where I'm often reminded that I'm not the same as the other presidency members and in my own pity-filled mind, less than everyone else.

I've gone back and forth wondering if it's a pride thing and I really don't think it is (completely -- because let's be honest, pride is always a factor, people.)  But I don't need to be in charge.  I don't need to be front and center.  I don't need to lead.  I don't need to be the decision maker.  Yes, every calling is important.  I know this one is too.  I just want to feel like what I do really matters.  I felt like my work mattered when I was teaching music to the Primary children.  I knew I made a difference when I was assistant camp director.  But this?  I'm not there yet.

We had our monthly marathon (3 hours) committee meeting last night and I could not leave fast enough when it was finally over.  Why?  I was plainly told again that my role is not the same level as the other ladies in my presidency and I left feeling inferior to everyone else.  I know the guys who said it had no idea that they were hurting my tender little feelings.  But I'm an ultra sensitive girl (aka I cry a lot) and I left feeling crushed.

My friend Lisa saw the slight too and called me on her way home but I couldn't answer through my tears.  We texted back and forth and she told me things I know are true: we are all equal members of this presidency, your opinions are valued, the Lord put you in this position to be a voice, not to just take notes etc.

I know what she was saying was true but I still cried a lot last night.  Then I got an email notifying me that someone had written on my Facebook wall.

It was the cute girl pictured above.  (Now, that picture is several years old but I love this pic so much I had to put it on my blog.  It was crazy hair night at YW camp 2005. You should have seen her on stage trying to win. I wish I had it on video.  She WORKED it.)

Anyway, that cute girl had done the whole "like this post and I will give you a truth" status update on FB.  I've ignored all of them until today and clicked "like" to her post and went to my meeting.  At 11:10 last night, she posted this on my wall:

you are such a great example and strength to me. you are always serving others and putting their needs before your own. you are where you belong. without your influence and love my girls would not be thriving as they are today. including me. you are so strong and loved. i know that you will be greatly blessed for your amazing spirit and kindness to others. love you lots shawshawshaw :D

(Note: she doesn't have daughters -- I think "my girls" means the other girls in her age group.)
 
But I read that and instantly thought "Lisa told her what to write."  But Lisa saw it too and was as amazed as I was that this sweet girl could be so in tune that she said the exact things Heavenly Father wanted me to hear.  I hadn't even started praying - I was too busy crying.  But He knows my heart and sent me my own little message, through this darling daughter of God.
 
I'm not miraculously cured.  My heart  is still quite tender and I still don't know how to find that balance of being a vocal presidency member when in the minds of some, I'm not as important as the rest.  But, there is one thing I know for sure:
 
I am where I belong.