How to get through a 2 hour American Idol in about 45 minutes

I know I'm going out on a limb here but really, American Idol bugs me. Yes, it's a cultural phenomenon and I usually love me a cultural phenomenon. Yes, 30 kajillion people vote each week so that means everyone else loves it. I usually end up buying songs from the winner and runners up but most of the time, I fast forward (FF) nearly the whole show and here's why:

• I think Ryan Seacrest is smarmy and I really don't like to listen to him talk. I especially hate it when he and Simon "fight." It comes across so mean most of the time. When Ryan opens his mouth, FF!
• Whenever Randy doesn't like someone's performance, he usually starts out with a "how are you feeling tonight, dawg? You feeling alright?" If you hear that, you have just given a horrible performance. You'd think after all of these years, he'd come up with new material. Whenever Randy starts to talk, FF!
• Paula, Paula, Paula. I really try hard to like her because she's all kinds of crazy and I sort of feel bad for her. But she is such a train wreck and cannot speak in complete sentences most of the time. It's just sad and I'm embarrassed to even watch her. Whenever Paula starts to talk, FF!
• The cheesy commercials the contestants do are lame! FF!

With all of that being said, my favorite contestants are Adam and Danny and I will continue to zip through watching the show each week just because I want to hear their performances. Hopefully, my FF tips will help you make better use of your time in the future.