Before I share a series of letters I would write to people on the Bachelor, let it be stated for the record that I had not one bite of candy today. NOT ONE! That is a major accomplishment because where I work, there is candy everywhere.
Thank you in advance for your praise and adoration.
-------------------
Dear Jake,
You quite possibly could not have been any hotter than you were in tonight's episode. From your sweet way of calming the nervous Christina down during the photo shoot to your preflight safety check (hubba hubba!), you totally and completely floated my boat tonight.
Love,
me
Dear Christina,
I wanted to like you because you seem real and normal. I like that in a bachelorette. But then you had to ruin your chance for a rose by getting stupid-drunk. Hope you figure things out and consider going to a meeting or something. It surely couldn't hurt.
Your non-drinking friend who knows everything,
J.
Dear Ali,
Could you have gotten a more perfect one-on-one date? Could you BE even cuter??? (Say it like Chandler Bing, people!) You are my new #1. Please don't turn into a sleazy jerk, 'k?
Love ya,
me
Dear Elizabeth,
You are beautiful and you seem really sweet. I want to like you even more because of the whole "I'm not kissing you until I'm the only one you will kiss" thing. But then you have to be a tease and tell Jake you know he wants to kiss you while getting all close to him. It's a fine line, sweetie...don't cross it.
From someone who wants you to do well,
J.
Dear Rozlyn,
So you couldn't hold off and only make out (or whatever) with just one guy for a few weeks? Seriously?!? Oooh, I have an idea. You should see if you could be the next Bachelorette because then you could make out with lots of guys at once. That might be a perfect next step for you!
Good luck!
J.
Dear Michelle,
You are so sad. We all know you can't win so please do something awful next week so I don't have to watch you on this show anymore.
Thanks a bunch!
J.
Dear pretty much every other girl on the show,
Why don't I even remember any of you from last week? Were you even ON the show last week?
Try to not be so boring!
me
Dear Chris Harrison,
I so totally heart you. You're cute, a good husband and father and you choked up telling Rozlyn she was leaving. You're cool and I love your blogs on ew.com and hope everyone reads them.
xoxoxo
Jeanelle
8 comments:
Oh my heck!! This was so much better than MY lame recap. You're my favorite! We must recap together every week, k?
Seriously. We have the same thoughts! Only... I don't think I like Elizabeth at ALL anymore. Sad, I know.
Could your letters have been any funnier??!!! FREAKING hilarious.
Dear Jeanelle,
You Rock my Bachelor World.
Love,
Holly
Love the letter to Michelle! :)
Congrats on the candy-abstinence!!!!!!!
Jeanelle,
(I am assuming this is you, and that is your name) I guess you could say I'm something of a blog-stalker...I found your blog through a friend's (Jazzy) So not the creepy blog-stalker...I'm pretty sure we'd be friends if I knew you in real life.:)
Anyway, (I apologize for the epic novel comment) I just wanted to let you know (instead of silently appreciating your writing) how absolutely hysterical and spot on you are...about everything you write about). This bachelor post took the cake, as this show is the only reason I survive January. Have you thought of writing as a possible career back-up?
Seriously, still can't stop laughing about the Michelle letter. She is such a mess. And if you turn your blog private because random people (like me) are reading, please invite me.:) ha ha. I'm at kevinandally.blogspot.com-promise I'm normal. Thank you for your blog--just made my month! Allyson
I heart your re-cap and it was faaaaaaaaaaar better than anything I could have come up with, so, I will be linking you this week instead of writing my own! KISSES! You are awesome and you took the words RIGHT out of my mouth.. and I TOTALLY have a crush on Chris Harrison... :) I just think he is awesome too. (In a short little man kinda way) Cuz I am 6'2" and you know, it would never work out between us because of that.. I have said too much.
I have to say I think my favorite was the signatures.
Michelle, so wierd.
Can't stand Elizabeth. For some reason she rubs me the wrong way.
Ali is my favorite too and as for that other Ally (who found your blog via me) super cute and completely normal :)
Love ya!
To Funny!!!! I agree with everything...Couldn't have said it better !!
I love it. You and Holly crack me up. This season rocks. I like Jake better than I did with Jillian...he is a hottie. I thought he was going to be lame but he's pretty cool.
Congrats on losing 20 lbs too. That is awesome!!!! You go girl. I wish I had some of your clementines too. Those are my fav. Nothing better when you have a GOOD one.
Hi! I linked over from Lindsey's blog, and I agree. Well said!
Post a Comment